Wednesday, May 26, 2010


A glass top shinning table in front of me on which my laptop is resting right now and cool air from the new Samsung air conditioner has chilled the air around me. I am sitting on this cosy couch with my legs stretched and I’m looking at the books arranged so well in front of me in those wooden shelves. Yes, this is it! This is the room I always dreamt of. I have seen a life where I used to live with my parents in small rented rooms. I have seen tough days and now we have this big house of our own. What else do I want I have a job in hand, I have graduated from a top engineering institute of India. How do I feel? Do you want to hear? I feel NOTHING. See I didn’t put an exclamatory mark after the one word answer. It’s not that the feeling of nothingness came to me like a sudden shock, but it’s there for a long time now. I live with this feeling and I am now so much accustomed to it that I do not even notice it’s presence. I am with my family today, after such a long time and I do not feel like talking to them. They keep complaining about my behaviour and feel nothing. I keep constantly looking at these books behind the glass planes in those shelves. Communication Engineering by Haykins, Operating Systems by Galvin, Number theory, Networks, books on history, public administration, literature and books God and poetry. Why was I reading so much for so long if everything had to end up this way? A job in some firm, some package some post? Didn’t I know this was going to be the end the day I started my journey? Whom was I playing game with and whom was I trying to cheat? I do not know how to feel but feel nothing. What do I want today? ..break off, set myself free.....FREEDOM ..... much to ask for.......freedom from what...constant need for desiring something and constant compulsion of setting some aims and proving oneself again and again, till one meets his death. I guess I ask for too much and I guess things are going to get even worse with time.....

1 comment:

अरुण 'मिसिर' said...

चक्रेश जी,
ये तो पड़ाव हैँ मंजिल
नहीँ, और फिर भीतर
की प्यास ठहरने भी
नहीँ देगी आपको।

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