Sunday, January 8, 2012

When did we hit the iceberg

Years back when I was watching Titatic, the movie, I was thinking how foolish and complacent humans can be at times. Couldn't they slow down a little and avert such a mishap. The voice of Celine Dion, the look on the face of Kate Winslet, the drowing body of deCaprio, all left such an impression on my tender soul that I decided not to watch that movie again. Love, too could not touch me the way it has a reputation of touching young heart. Though,I suspect the invisible hand behind such discriminatin rather than the innocent Oscar winning movie. With all my wisdom and conscience, I made a resolution quite early in my life - never to overlook the smallest of the smallest hurdle in my path towards happiness. For, who can say how damaging even a weed can be. I became a slow walker, and a silent listener by nature. Thanks to my precausios nature. Added to my anxiety, the teachers at school made me more and more introvert my making me dust the blackboard every now and then, as I used to be among the tallest in the classroom. I wonder how many of you can actually understand the thoughts that go on in the head of a student dusting the black board, while the teacher is busy calling the names from the attendance sheet and the rest of the class room, behind his back, is busy making noise. It make the student feel, that he is the odd one out - the most mature and elder in his class room. Many such seemingly small by decisively crucial experience made me feel like what the Titatic might have felt. A ship that no one had seen before. A ship that had potential but was the odd one out. A ship that was just a ship but the expectations were very high. Growing up, I made mistakes but never actually accepted any of them. I was angry with the world and the way it was. My argument was simple, if the best design of man can sink on its madien voyage, then why does the world expect a Mr. Perfect oout of me. I was furious at time and introvert at the others. I grew in a silent and thoughtful person, hiding the ocean within my heart. But an Ocean can not be held for long and the one inside me roared out the high walls of my inabilities, into 300 plus poems in ast five years and it still keepsflooding my note pad every now and then with one thought or the other. 'The Heart of the Ocean' wants come back to life.
Time kept passing. I kept wandering. Searching. Talking and listening. Until today, when I realised that the speed had been quite fast and that I overlooked the tip of an iceberg. The Titatic in me has hit a rock bed and its sinking. The memories of past have come and gone in a flashback. I have seen a thousand faces in a go and I am still wondering - was it 1987 back then and is it 2012 today. O' me o' life -of what good am I and which verse did you give me to play? Wll the worlds a stage but dear old Shaskpere, why can't I take my exit now. For, the Titatic is sinking and the sing is sung. No boat will ever return and no invisible hand seems to decend down to me. Blessed is he who knows when to fight and when to let go. And cursed is he who sees no point. (O' Mathew you too were a verse short my friend, and thus the meaning of life got lost forever).
Wodering when did it all happened and how to go back and what to do to avoid it all. I feel, its not human who becomes complacent and acts foolish. Its the sense of humor of nature and its the best piece of art that the nature loves to create again and again.Nature loves to see things fall and break. Nature hides the best and makes us long for it. That's the way it gets its wheels churing. Thats the soul of all the motivation that lives on in every single entity. The Titaic had to hit the iceberg, or else, it would have been the best.

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